08.23.24

i have so many unfinished articles i want to write so i can fill up the blog that i built this goddamn site for and the paralysis of not having touched any of them in weeks is killing me. maybe i need to be less polished with them, publish some straight bullshit rambling for a bit just to get back into the habit of writing. ok i'm about to probably go write up a thinly veiled excuse to talk about runescape mechanics for a bit

08.23.24

update about the doctor stuff. turns out i have a vitamin deficiency so we're taking care of that and i have a psychiatric appointment next month. yay yippee etc. hopeful and nervous abt that but its fineee i have a job so i'm not supposed to gaf abt that rn !!!!!

08.13.24

scheduled a doctors appointment..... to see hwo sick and twisted i am.......

08.05.24

soemtimes when i hear other girls talk about things like baby fever i feel like i am an alien from another planet. is this feeling misogynistic. u decide

07.30.24

i didn't want to be a neopets doomer when the new management took over but it's been a year now so i'm gonna say it. neopets doesn't hit anymore. i don't care abt finishing my dreamies. the current plot is really boring. a lot of the new art is bad. their economy fixes are bandaid solutions to problems they refuse to address. it's the slowest fucking website i've ever visited and it drives me crazy. grundo's cafe is legit 10x better

07.22.24

when everything aches and it's unclear why and you wish your body had some sort of readout like a car where you could check for an error code. is this hormonal physical mental health related is it a lack of sleep or water or food is it due to a lack of exercise or too much is it sitting wrong sitting too much too little laying down wrong waking up wrong doomscrolling stress vitamin deficiency is it the flu is it the general burden of existing in the current day manifesting as a permanently sore neck and an annoying headache and a back that won't stop hurting. what is it

07.21.24

like. heres the thing. i am attracted to men & women. i have been into a lot of very weird men, historicaly. but some people who r attracted to men are like. soooo fucxking annoying about it and their taste in men is so boring and mainstream that it makes me feel like we don't share the same type of attraction at all . if that makes sense. like when i see ppl (esp lesbians) who are vocally into a woman, i'm 90% of the time like yeag i get it. that woman is so beautiful. maybe i'm not personally super into her but i get it. but with a lot of "conventionally attractive" men its like. what the fuck are you talking abou.t,, i am approximately -1% horny looking at this guy

07.12.24

abysmal productivity day. i was doing pretty good all week and then today was just. scatterbrained. ran around all day and accomplished jack shit. couldn't focus on anything but maybe 30 minutes of house cleaning and an hour total of work. don't even want to go to the gym now because i'm just mad and bored and stressed for no reason. who cares

07.11.24

finding it equal parts amusing and irrirtating that i seem to be in the minority of people who can pick up on misinformation that clearly came about through internet telephone. "i heard shelley duvall went insane after the shining" started out as "i heard stanley kubrick was kind of a dick to work with". "i heard theres a cut scene from inside out 2 where anxiety dies because the host kid starts psychiatric drug therapy" started as a joke post that basically said "wouldnt it be funny if they made a depression emotion in the next inside out movie and then killed it via an ssri". grade school shit

07.09.24

lifted at the gym for the first time in a while. feels good. telling myself that it's okay if there end up being lots of "first time in a while"s before i fully get back into the habit, even if i don't believe it

07.09.24

people keep trying to shame me for liking animal skulls as decor. they're ethically sourced. i don't support hunting & killing animals for no reason. i just think the cow has a really badass skeleton. it's already become too stinky out there to wear military jackets or even harley davidson vests without being called a conservative. what more cool punk shit will the chuds be allowed to take away from me

07.08.24

butch/masc lesbians r literally so inspiring like it makes me lightheaded.. theyre so hot & cool & handsome......

07.08.24

oh god. oh god. oh fuck. i've listened to good luck babe over 20 times now. i cant stop thinking about how i keep telling myself i'm not queer, i'm basically permanently living as a cishet person, so stop worrying aboht it so much, but its not true its. a lie i'm fucking lying to everyobe and you have to stop the world just to stop the feeling. you have to stop the world just to stop the feeling. fuck

07.08.24

my music taste is generally the equivalent of an annoying 47 year old liberal who used to call himself an anarchist back in the day and still thinks in rainbows by radiohead is the epitome of culture but that being said, i'm catching up on a bit of pop lately and chappell roan is pretty cool! i wonder if she likes kate bush

07.06.24

finally got accepted into grundo's cafe holy shit !!! i made a kougra, his name is donniedarko :)

07.05.24

[banging pots and pans together] divorce yourself from the likes machine!! divest from the likes machine!! delete yourself from the likes machine!!

you may think you can game capitalism by monetizing something you love but it won't work!! it's not worth it!! stop selling the precious little pieces of yourself that you have left for social capital!! make art not money!!

07.05.24

short list of things i need:

• adderall

• a vacation

• magic libido cure

• testosterone (???)

list of things that cost lots of money:

• see above

07.05.24

pink floyd was so right. thought i'd something more to say

07.03.24

you have to unlearn misogyny, no matter who you are. you have to learn to love other women. thank you to all the women who taught me that

07.03.24

today is a fucking vibe so far. i've been so productive and haven't even left my desk because i got distracted by something stupid yet. the daily jam is poison the well by modest mouse

07.02.24

one of these days i will truly interrogate the source of my ironic-turned-post-ironic love for the movie independence day (1996)

07.02.24

love getting excessive heat warnings from my weather app for 3-6 months out of the year for the rest of my mortal existence

07.01.24

designing and coding this site has been my most fulfilling creative experience in weeks. thank fuck.